Wednesday, June 6, 2012

A little background

I want to point out the things that I feel have set me on this journey, and possibly some problems that others will be able to relate to.  If any of you have been here, please feel free to leave comments and offer hope to those of us that are still here and still dealing with our questions.  And for anyone that is on this path, hopefully, we may find peace together.

  1.  I was raised in a broken home, by a father that refused to see any of us children and did not pay child support.
  2. My mother was an alcoholic for a part of my childhood.  I am the baby and would rely on my siblings, but as they grew up(11, 7 and 4 years older than me), they would move out and move on with their own lives.  I know now as an adult, they did what they had to do to "survive" and make peace in their own lives, but it left me feeling abandoned and neglected as a child.
  3. I married for the first time at 21, for all the wrong reasons and was in an emotionally abusive marriage.  My ex-husband successfully alienated me from all of my friends and most of my family.  I found the courage to get out and leave just after 5 years of it.
  4. I am now remarried to a loving man, however I have scars from my first marriage that I did not try to heal, I just tucked them away, that I have unfortunately carried with me into this marriage.  But my husband is trying to be understanding and we are hoping the best for our marriage.  We know it is a long road and in the end, we want to be able to be great again, or know we did everything we could.
  5. I have one daughter, age 2.  I had a very hard pregnancy, suffering from Hyperemesis.(for more info on this feel free to check out www.helpher.org )
  6. I lost my mother to pancreatic cancer in July 2010.  She was diagnosed in November 2009 with inoperable stage I.  I was 5 months pregnant when we got the diagnosis.  I was her sole caregiver and she died under hospice care in my home.  I am sure anyone that has gone through the stress of caring for someone with a terminal illness, will know how hard it can be to do this without help from other family, and I had the added stress of a newborn daughter.

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” – Aristotle

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Introduction

I am starting a new journey in my life, at the young age of 33.  I had an epiphany a few months ago and realized that I always live life for everyone around me and am a "people pleaser".  I have decided I want to change all that.  I want to know who the "real" me is and find my path.

I am hoping to share my journey, so others will not feel alone when they are here.  I have felt lost and alone these past few months as I have decided to start this journey, but I have come to realize that I am not alone in it.  So maybe, by sharing my thoughts and feelings, I can help others to see that they are not alone either.  And to maybe, just maybe help someone else, live for real.