Tough, tough week-end.  It was the two year anniversary of my mother's passing and my husband was gone for his job.  I did get to spend some good quality with W via the internet and video chat.  It is so hard to believe that she has been gone for 2 years already.  And that I have only been going through the motions of life for that long.  I take courage from the people that remembered and know why these individuals are called friends.  And it amazes me how many people that are supposed to be support for you, forget one of the single most important dates to you.  And worse, the ones that you mention it to who say nothing at all.  I know that helping people deal with grief is tricky, to say the least, but if you are supposed to be a part of someone's support structure, you should at least be able to say, "Sorry, what do you need today" and give a hug.  It saddens me that we live in a world where this is not how people act.  Where you get more love and affection from "strangers" on the internet than your "friends" and family.  I also hate how one part of the family looks at me with disdain for choosing to be friends with the designated "black sheep", when this "black sheep" is the first person to see I need something and can usually figure out what I need without even asking.

On the positive note from this week-end, W and I had a lovely time and got to spend hours "together".  How I wish he lived closer and we could have spent the time together in person.  I also was blessed with getting to chat with my hubby some and play a couple games.

So, I survived another year with that part of me gone.  I wonder, do any of you, that have lost a best-friend or extremely close relative, truly feel that person still with you?  And if you do, how long did it take?  I still can not feel my mother and just feel emptiness, loneliness, sadness, heartache and anger.  I have started questioning the faith I had found and really wonder if there is anything after death, or if we just return to the soil to become a new part of the earth...part of the earth's "life stream", if you will.  Nothing has ever left me so lost and confused as losing my mother.